Bumpdate: 34 Weeks

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I know I KNOW it’s a bathroom photo. I know those are the worst and I offer my most sincere apologies but it’ll have to do this week. Onto the bumpdate.

How far along? 34 weeks.
How big is baby? Eighteen inches long and nearly 5 pounds. FIVE POUNDS. The size of a cantaloupe.
Maternity clothes? Dumb question, I feel like I’m being mocked for some of my MATERNITY shirts being too short now. It’s going to be a loooong six weeks with a very limited variety of outfits, I’m afraid.
Stretch marks? Nope, but still plagued by those annoying varicose veins. More are popping up every week and they’re really uncomfortable if I spend too much time on my feet. Praying, praying, praying that Dr. Google and my actual doctor are correct and they go away in the first few months after the baby is born.
Sleep? According to my FitBit, absolutely horrendous. It says I’m averaging about 5 hours a night, but I do have it set to “sensitive monitoring.” If I switch it back to normal, it says I’m sleeping 8-9 hours a night. Hoping the truth is somewhere in the middle. Although most days it certainly feels like I’m running on five hours, regardless of how long it actually was.
Best moment this week? WE FOUND A HOUSE!! More on that to follow very soon.
Miss anything? Yeah, my regular body that doesn’t house a cantaloupe. I’m not super uncomfortable; just ready to be done with pregnancy and meet this baby and get the REAL sleep deprivation train rolling.
Movement? Yes, still frequent, but she’s finally at the point where she doesn’t have as much room to build up any steam with her kicks. It’s kind of like Uma Thurman and the 6″ punch. Wait, I remember how that ends. Let’s not contemplate that visual any further.
Food cravings? I just discovered s’mores oreos and I’m reasonably certain they’re god’s gift to pregnant ladies.
Anything making you queasy or sick? No, but all of a sudden my stomach is roughly the size of a tube of chapstick. I can only eat a little bit at every meal, but then I’m hungry again thirty minutes later.
Have you started to show yet? I’m starting to make store employees visibly nervous when I waddle on in; does that answer the question?
Gender? Girl.
Belly Button in or out? My belly button doesn’t exist at this point. It’s completely flat and stretched out.
Wedding rings on or off? On, but I find myself testing them frequently, especially on hot and humid days. I’m not sure I’ll make it all the way to the end with them this time.
Happy or moody most of the time? Now that our house hunt is over (cross your fingers, since there are few a still small hurdles before it’s official), way happy. Obnoxiously happy. Prone to breaking into happy tears whenever I think about Natalie and her sister playing in our backyard. #allthefeels
Looking forward to? Having this baby! Six weeks is such a short amount of time and yet so very, very long when it’s the LAST six weeks.

I’d like to kick this off with a side-by-side comparison from my pregnancy with Natalie. 34-weeks-comparison
Besides the glaringly obvious differences like my hair and the fact that my standards concerning photo quality have now hit rock bottom, SWEET BABY JESUS LOOK AT THAT BUMP. You can practically hear my shirt groaning.

I don’t know where this baby is planning on going over the next six weeks, because further out doesn’t seem to be an option.

I don’t think it’s going to be six weeks, though. My prediction, based on absolutely nothing, is that she’ll arrive sometime in the week before my due date (so, July 4-10). When I’m posting my 42 week bumpdate as I’m on my way to the hospital to be induced, don’t laugh at me too much, ok?

My birth center is very, very laid back when it comes to inductions, and I’m super grateful for that. It’s one of the reasons I picked them. If I’m still pregnant at 41 weeks, they’ll break out the castor oil (shudder, I’m so glad it didn’t come to that with Natalie!) and other natural induction methods and give me another week before they send me off to the hospital to get things rolling in a more clinical way. I don’t think it’ll come to that, but it’s reassuring that they’re willing to give this baby time to arrive when she’s ready.

But no. My guess is still 39 weeks and some-odd days. I was only off on Natalie’s birthdate by about five weeks so clearly I have a very solid track record when it comes to this sort of thing.

That being said, she’s NOT allowed to come out more than nine days early. Because that’s the day we close on our house and so help me god, I will sign papers in between contractions before I show up to closing with a 2- or 3-day old baby. No. Just…no.

I’m trying not to worry about it too much, because obviously there is not a single, solitary thing I can do to influence it. And it’ll certainly be nice to take possession of the house before the baby is born.

But not move into it because just how insane do you think I am? Don’t answer that.

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