I Need a Monday Do-Over

Ever have one of those days that’s such a complete and total wash that you need a do-over?

Yeah, yesterday was one of those days for me. Tuesday is the new Monday, only better because we’re already one day closer to the weekend. Let’s go with that, ok?

I woke up yesterday with a headache that I thought was a normal headache, but when I got up to take some Advil the headache was all HAHAHA I’M A MIGRAINE HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW? Normally Advil + caffeine is a pretty good remedy for my migraines, except for the teensy little problem that it had advanced to the point that I couldn’t even keep a glass of water down.

SO FUN YOU GUYS.

It is amazingly fortunate that Will’s job is flexible, so he was able to work from home and take care of Natalie. Not that he got much work done until she went down for her nap, because I was 100% useless. Worse than useless, actually, because every time I stumbled out of bed to run to the bathroom, Natalie would see me and start to cry because she thought I was ignoring her.

I gorged myself on half a graham cracker around 10:30 a.m just so I could take some Advil (Fun fact: I can’t take pills with water like a grownup because I’m actually five years old), and the migraine subsided so I could actually get out of bed about an hour later. The rest of the day was kind of a fuzzy blur, because even though the STABBY STABBY ice-pick-in-my-temple pain was gone, the garden-variety headache was happy to settle in and sit for a spell.

Natalie and I hung out for the rest of the afternoon so that Will could actually get some work done. We had a grand old time and I’m sure I was as much fun as a barrel full of dead monkeys. Mommy is going to sit on the floor while you play with your toys. Shhh, shh, shh. Then we had dinner, Natalie went to bed, my dad arrived (he stayed with us last night before flying back to Tennessee this morning), and I toppled into bed at 9 p.m.

I didn’t have very many conscious thoughts other than OW OW OW OW when the migraine was in full swing, but a few things did float to the top of my brain and slosh around in my skull.

Thought #1: How on earth do single parents do it? Do you rally because you don’t have a choice?

Thought #2: How on earth would I do this if Will was away on a business trip (infrequent, but it does happen) or if he had super-duper important stuff happening at work that he absolutely could not miss?

Thought #3: I had a looooot of headaches during the first trimester of my pregnancy with Natalie (oh stop it, I’m not pregnant right now). Is this how it’s going to be with eventual baby #2? What if this is what it’s like every day for three (or more) months? I didn’t take off my Sea-Bands until, like, week 15. I only removed them to shower, otherwise I got soooo queasy. How does one care for a busy toddler and still find the time to huddle over the toilet?

So many questions. So many, many questions.

When I was pregnant Will and I had said that we would start talking about baby #2 after Natalie’s first birthday. Not YAY LET’S HAVE ANOTHER BABY RIGHT THIS MINUTE, but at least open the discussion in terms of what would work best for our family.

Her first birthday is next Wednesday (!!!) and I have to tell you, I have a fever and the only prescription is ANOTHER BABY. But the timing isn’t quite right. And before you comment and say, “the timing is never perfect!”…I know. I know. But our discussion has been tabled until this fall for a variety of reasons.

I have a lot of concerns about a second baby, mainly financial and living soooo far away from family. My parents and my sister both moved very, very far away when Natalie was five weeks old. I didn’t really process it right away, mainly because that was squarely in the middle of the newborn phase, but when I finally came up for air and looked around…I felt alone. Really alone, despite Will being amazing and supportive. I miss my family like crazy and I hate that someone has to get on a plane for Natalie to see them.

So even though I desperately want another baby NOW NOW NOW, there’s a lot to think about. I also feel very strongly about Natalie and her sibling(s) being close together in age, and obviously that window is narrowing. Buuut we have no family here. Aaaaaand Boston is EXPENSIVE like WOAH. Totally our fault for buying a house here. We’re idiots; mea culpa.

In the meantime I am nomming Natalie’s delicious cheeks every chance I get. She’s really a delightful little kid and even if it is a year or more before the next pregnancy, I’m not wishing away or wasting this time with her.

I mean, seriously. Just look at her. Every day is the best day of her life, and it’s impossible not to feel like that when you’re with her.

Except for yesterday, anyway. Which is exactly why I need a do-over.

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